A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Are you sleepwalking through your experience of relationship and family? Have you fallen into a kind of consistent and automatic way of being in your family and in your relationships, perhaps without even noticing it?

While it may seem appropriate and considerate to be consistent, it may not really benefit others, or yourself. You may be unwittingly lulling yourself and others - especially children - into thinking that people, and events that people trigger, follow predictable patterns. And thus your expectations "should be" fulfilled.

It may be beneficial to behave inconsistently from time to time so that others may discover and hone their ability to effectively respond to changing circumstances in a changing world, versus being immobilized when something other than what they expect happens.

We do not propose that you go around pulling the rug out from under others. Rather we suggest that you use a basis other than consistency to guide the way you act in your relationships and family. We suggest that your basic life values be your guide.

In the case of behaving consistently with your values, consistency may not be "the hobgoblin of little minds". It may be an indicator of being dedicated and powerful. And it may provide an access to freedom, peace, ease and fulfillment.

You are undoubtedly able to distinguish the difference in your experience of your life when you are behaving consistently with your values and when you are not. Even when you opt to behave inconsistently with your values, you still know that difference.

What may not be obvious is the difference in your experience of living with someone who is behaving consistently with his/her values versus living with someone who is not.

Are you tolerating the disappointment, upset and frustration of being with someone who is not living consistently with his/her values? Do you know what their values are? Have you asked? And have you been doing whatever you can to support your partners and family members in behaving consistently with their values?

Relationships and families in which people are supporting each other in living consistently with their basic life values are extraordinary!