CONNECTED - September 15, 2010
| www.familiesbydesign.com | Please forward this message to your family and friends! |
| sandy@familiesbydesign.com | Not subscribed yet? Subscribe here! |
| www.familiesbydesign.com | Please forward this message to your family and friends! |
| sandy@familiesbydesign.com | Not subscribed yet? Subscribe here! |
About Relationships and Families…
Being authentic definitely fosters closeness in relationships and families. And in our July 2010 Connected newsletter, we proposed that a working definition for authenticity could be "matching your words with your experience", i.e. saying what you are experiencing - or, if you are speaking of the past, saying what you experienced.
However, being authentic - saying what we are experiencing - may be difficult or upsetting for many of us because we may be disconnected from our experience, and therefore, thwarted in our attempt to express our experience.
Our experience is not just what we feel. Our experience includes physical sensations, emotions, attitudes, thoughts/opinions/beliefs, memories, conclusions and decisions made. When you explore and express the totality of your experience, you might find yourself moving away from being judgmental and accusatory and toward being compassionate and responsible in your relationships. Upsets and frustrations just might give way to freedom and ease.
It is so normal to represent one component of our experience as our total experience, use it to make a point or to blame someone or something, and then wonder why we're not heard or "gotten". Sharing our experience needs no explanations, justifications and accusations. It is simply expressing what is happening for us at the time. During our last set of teleconversations, some of our friends expressed their experience of being free, at ease and connected as they shared their experience in their relationships and families.
Being authentic is a great game to play in relationships and families. And, as in any game, mastery comes with practice. In this case, practicing being authentic - saying your experience - is just as rewarding as the mastery of it.
Call or write if you have questions or insights in this conversation.
Love,
Sandy & Lon
Teleconversations
Our last series of teleconversations was possibly our best to date. If you haven't had the opportunity to be a part of them, we invite you to participate in the next set. The dates will be November 21 and December 5 and 19. And since the conversations will be during the holiday season, the topic will be The Holidays: A Family Adventure. By the way, you may be surprised by what you find if you look up the definition of the word "adventure" in a dictionary.
Presented below is our preliminary 2011 workshop schedule. In January and August we are offering a new venue - cruise ships. Soon you will receive a special communication from us in which we'll ask you to indicate which workshops you (and/or people you know) may be interested in joining us in 2011.
And remember - there are a few openings left in our 2010 workshops. Please contact us right away if you want to be in a 2010 workshop.
Workshops in teal are our vacation-based programs.
| Date | Location | Workshop |
|---|---|---|
| January | Mexico Cruise | Relationship: The Missing Link |
| February | San Diego | Relationship: The Missing Link |
| March | Denver | Parents: Outside the Trap |
| March | Denver | Relationship: The Missing Link |
| April | East Coast | Parents: Outside the Trap |
| April | East Coast | Relationship: The Missing Link |
| May | Hawaii | Extraordinary Relationship: The Wonder of It |
| June | San Diego | Parents: Outside the Trap |
| July | Sunriver, OR | Designing Family: A Game Worth Playing |
| August | Alaska Cruise | Extraordinary Relationship: The Wonder of It |
| September | Denver | Parents: Outside the Trap |
| September | Denver | Relationship: The Missing Link |
| October | San Diego | Relationship: The Missing Link |
| October | Kauai | Extraordinary Relationship II: Living It |
| November | Los Cabos | Extraordinary Relationship: The Wonder of It |
| November | Los Cabos | New! Extraordinary Relationship: an Exploratory Workshop |
| December | San Diego | Parents: Outside the Trap |
* Extraordinary Relationship II is limited to people who have completed Extraordinary Relationship: The Wonder of It, and the new Exploratory Workshop is limited to people who have completed Extraordinary Relationship II.
Go to www.relationshipbydesign.com to see the remainder of our schedule for 2010.
We are available for relationship and family coaching for those of you who are not able to make it to one of our workshops or who wish to do additional work with us. Please call us at 760/603-8343.
We had an outstanding Special Event, Relationship: The Real Deal, in Carlsbad last week, and we have one more scheduled for this year. It will take place in Denver on September 22. Click here to see and download the flyer with the details of the event.
Please call us at 760/603-8343 or e-mail sandy@familiesbydesign.com to make reservations or to schedule a special event in your area.
We will be adding more of these events to our 2011 schedule.
And a Special Book
Many of us have experienced sadness and grief at the death of a loved one. Our friend, Paul Bennett, has written a wonderful book about such a time in his life.
Paul's book, Loving Grief, is the expression of a man who is fully in touch with his experience, and who reaches deeply into the experience of others. He has written his story with the wonder of a child, the compassion of a saint, and the exquisiteness of a poet. In being with Paul in his book, you cannot help but experience an immense appreciation for all of life - including grief.
(Published by WingSpan Press, Paul's book is available through Amazon.com)
More About Relationships and Families
The difference between activity and action could be said to be direction. While both involve motion, activity is random motion. When directed by or toward something - e.g. a purpose or a goal - activity becomes action.
Similarly, you might look at play as fun and joyful activity, with no particular direction. When play is directed by or toward something - e.g. a purpose or a goal (or an agenda, as one of our friends suggested) - play becomes a game. A game is simply play with a direction.
Most adults think of games mostly in terms of competition, and they are reluctant to play unless they have a good chance of winning the game. Young people, on the other hand, whether young in age or "at heart", think of games in terms of playing, and the accomplishment of intentions and goals are their "wins". And they benefit in many ways just in playing the game.
Families and relationships thrive when they create, design and play games together - when they are guided by a purpose and accomplishing goals. Play is fun, and playing games adds fulfillment to the fun.
Here is a part of our family - Bill, Riley, Heidi and Bailey.
Enjoy your time together,
Sandy & Lon
Sandy and Lon Golnick
Relationship & FamiliesByDesign