Make the Season Bright

For most of us, the holiday season is a time when family and relationships come to the forefront of our thoughts. It is a time of reunion and celebration, laughter and joy.

It can also be a time of increased tension, disappointment and even anger when our holiday dreams and expectations do not get met. In the excitement and anticipation of the holiday season, you may lose sight of the fact that your actions and experiences are likely to be determined by your default way of relating to others.

Automatically, often without your noticing,

1. You use your relationships to get things to turn out your way - to get what you want - including what you want for others.
2. Your expectations are rooted in fantasy - i.e. everything should be blissful, all the time, with everyone.
3. You are not committed - you are committed "as long as..." - and you seldom communicate what your "as long as..." is.

When you are aware of these automatic tendencies, you may find yourself able to communicate them. In doing so, you may experience the space to accept others as they are. You may find some of your conditions for committing yourself to others dissolving. And you may find yourself interested in things turning out their way.

In today's economic environment, it can also be a time of fear that we will not be able to make the season as special as we would like it to be for those dearest to us. Those fears, unexpressed, can put us on edge, making us impatient and short-tempered with the very people we love the most.

In our view, it is as important to communicate fears and disappointments as it is to communicate love and appreciation. Maybe even more so because unexpressed fears, tensions and disappointments can unintentionally tarnish your expressions of love and affection.

Make this a season of extraordinary communication - open and honest communication of fears and disappointments, without shame or blame - and unabashed communication of the love and appreciation you have for the people so dear to you.