The power of forgiveness

We have yet to come across a relationship or family in which the luster, the glow that is present in the beginning, does not sooner or later diminish and sometimes even disappear. "It just comes with aging" is the usual explanation that accompanies the tarnishing.

And yet, just as some automobile buffs maintain (or regain) the luster of very old cars, it is possible to maintain (or regain) that initial enthusiasm even as a relationship (or family) gets older.

While the presence of relationship is a function of communication, it's the quality of communication that determines the quality of [the experience of] relationships and families. If the communication is of a "surface" nature, that will be the quality of the relationship/family. If the communication is full, open and honest sharing, that will be the quality of the relationship/family.

Is there something in the way of your free and full sharing? Something that is distancing you and dimming the glow in your relationships and families? Look and see if it has something to do with having been hurt or having hurt another - and a fear that communicating those hurts may stir up too much "stuff". When really addressed, we've found that most of the hurts are unintentional or unconscious (except in cases of retaliation - and even those are un-thought-out, automatic reactions.) We've also found that an effective access to the recovery of wonder and luster in relationships and families is addressing those hurts in the context of forgiveness.

What is forgiveness? It is giving up the right to resent. It is giving up the right to punish. It is "giving as before" (before whatever happened that induced upset or resentment). It allows for a new, fresh, joyful experience of being related.

Forgiveness can happen only if it is asked for. It's difficult to outwardly grant forgiveness without being asked because it appears pretentious or arrogant to forgive someone of something if he/she hasn't asked to be forgiven.

You may be afraid to acknowledge that you did hurt someone - perhaps because you think it could reveal a vengeful or otherwise negative side of yourself. However, acknowledging it and asking for forgiveness may actually be an act of courage that sets you and others free.

We invite you to the new game that forgiveness allows!

Something to Ponder

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage."
                                                                      Robert Anderson

A small modification of that could be: In every relationship more than a few months old, you can easily come up with reasons for leaving. The trick is to create, and continue to create, reasons for staying.