Exploring vs. Working on...

Sometimes "working on" (i.e. trying to change, improve, fix, etc.) your relationships and families may be counter-productive, and in fact might exacerbate problems and concerns.

One couple we have been coaching recently set up some brand new goals to achieve together, and as they did so, some of their old problems and fears began to diminish - without working on them!

So take a break from "working on" your relationships and your families!

"A good rest is half the work." (Yugoslav Proverb)

And don't wait!

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it." (Sydney J. Harris)

In our work with people who have participated in our Extraordinary Relationship: The Freedom of Commitment workshop, we have discovered that one of the characteristics of an extraordinary relationship may be the ongoing exploration of the relationship. That may not sound inviting if you think of exploring as investigating, examining or analyzing - which all sound like work. But exploring is not those things. Investigate means "systematically and carefully search so as to uncover facts [as in a crime]". Examine means "look into critically and methodically in order to find out the condition of [something]". Analyze means "separate or break up a whole into its parts so as to find out something about the parts as they relate to the whole".

Explore means "travel in [a region previously unknown or little known] in order to learn about its natural features."

Investigations, examinations and analyses lead mostly to confirmation of theories or suspicions, and perhaps some understanding; exploration most often leads to experiences of awe and wonder.

We recommend that you continue to explore and to be in the presence of the awe and wonder of your families and relationships.

Something to Consider

Ernest Hemingway said, "…my health is the main capital I have…"

In our view, relationship is fundamental to living and may also be the main capital we have. Take the time to nurture your relationships, even when you don't think you have time for it.

Three ingredients for nurturing your families and relationships might be:

Forgiveness - "giving as before" you became upset, angry or short tempered with another.

Acknowledgment - "knowing" and saying who another is for you and what he/she means to you.

Appreciation - "upping the value" of another and telling them how valuable he/she is to you.

It's very difficult to add too much of those ingredients to your relationships and families.

Take care of each other.
Sandy & Lon