About Relationship and Family
All it takes to suffer in a relationship is to have it be about you.
This may put you in somewhat of a dilemma because the reason you get into relationships in the first place is to get what you want. That is not bad. It is completely normal and ordinary. And we suppose it is why people often consider that suffering is evidence that a relationship is really real.
Possible exceptions were your family and friends when you were very young, when you were just there - having been put there by your parents or by "fate" - before your life became to be about what you want.
When you accept that your relationships are about you, when you stop arguing that they are only about the significant others, when you stop professing that they are about your selflessness or sacrifice … it may be possible to add an extraordinary dimension to your relationships.
That dimension comes with your seeing to it that others get what they want in their relationships with you. When you are not focused on making sure that you get what you want, and you focus on the others, you will find yourself having what you really want in your relationships quite naturally, and with the peace and ease you have wanted to experience in your relationships.
In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. Anthony Robbins
Check it out. Try it out. It may turn out to be a real win-win.
And call us if you would like to talk about it.
Lon and Sandy Golnick
(760)603-8343
What's New?
Discovering new facets of - and possibilities for - relationships that we haven't seen before...
 | Shared joy is a double joy; | |
| shared sorrow is half a sorrow. Swedish Proverb |
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Coming Attractions
Join us for our Extraordinary Relationship workshop in Kauai, September 6-13. Register by July 10, and save $200 off the tuition.
And we have weekend workshops in San Francisco, Baltimore, Denver and San Diego beginning in September.
Visit www.familiesbydesign.com for details.
Lasting Relationships
Last month we asked you to consider that you cannot escape relationship, and that your past relationships (good or bad) have a way of sticking around. And we said that this is also true for the persons with whom you are currently in relationship - their past relationships get included in their relationship with you. Whether you like it or not, that is the way it is.
In some cases, the person with whom you are in a current relationship, even the relationship called marriage, is actively continuing a past relationship. Most likely it is in another form, such as friendship. You may be upset that his/her past relationships are still in his/her life. But then so are yours. It cannot be otherwise - even if your relationships from the past are not "active", that is to say you merely have thoughts about them from time to time.
Neither active nor inactive prior relationships are inherently detrimental to current relationships. Only to the extent that you make them more meaningful than they are - i.e. by considering them to be a threat - can they be detrimental to your current relationship.
If you consider your partner's past relationships to be a threat - no matter how active or inactive they may be - you may begin to protect your relationship by constraining or controlling your partner. And in doing so, you may become an [unattractive] dominator and drive your partner away. In effect, you become detrimental to your relationship.
Are you willing to trust your partner - and yourself - to enjoy relationships from the past while creating an extraordinary, present-based relationship together?
We're here to help.
REMINDER
We have 6- and 9-month coaching packages, as well as custom designed coaching, for those of you who are interested in creating extraordinary relationships and families. Your families and friends will also find our coaching invaluable. Let them know about us. We appreciate your referrals.