Building Fences
The word fence derives from the same root as defense. Fences are very useful for protection (which means wrapping or covering - i.e. hiding).
Fences are used to keep some things safe from other things, to keep some things out and other things in. And they most definitely divide and separate.
It's common for imaginary fences to get built in relationships and families.
When we do something we consider to be bad, we often try to cover it up, because we are afraid something bad will happen if others find out about it.
In our attempt to avoid something bad happening in our relationship or family, we build a fence by withholding or lying about the "bad thing" we did.
These fences, while apparently keeping us protected and safe, keep our relationships and families out, and we end up divided and separated from them. Our fences also keep us in, and cost us our experience of being free.
To paraphrase a line from Me and Bobby McGee, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to hide."
Here's to FREEDOM in our relationships and families!
For someone to communicate something that they have been withholding - especially for a long period of time - takes courage.
If someone asks permission to communicate something that they have been withholding for some time, acknowledge their courage - and consider that in all probability they weren't out to demean, diminish or destroy you. They made an error in judgment.
Knowing the courage it takes to communicate something that has been withheld - and having compassion for it - you might make yourself available to hear what someone has to tell you without having to punish or exact retribution.
You might even invite someone with whom you have a sense of being "out of sorts" to communicate anything that they may have been afraid to tell you - granting them amnesty (i.e. no punishment or retribution) - and the gift of freedom.