Differences within our Relationships and Families

What he heard...	What she said...

As we celebrated our 46th anniversary, we recalled the time (about 36 years prior) when our future together looked doubtful - a serious case of "marriage-on-the-rocks". It took that "breaking down" for Lon to realize that he had been trying for about 10 years to change Sandy to be more like him - to cook like he cooks, to speak with the children like he speaks, to drive like he drives, to understand things the way he does, literally to think like him - when it was because she was so different than him that attracred him to her in the first place. Becoming aware of that and letting go of trying to make her be the same as him saved the relationship.

We can see now that it did more than just save our relationship; it enlivened it. And while the pull to get Sandy to behave like Lon (and vice versa) is still there from time-to-time, we're much more aware of it and can let it go much more rapidly.

Now our relationship is growing because of our differences.

Relationships can enhance our individual creativity and accomplishment. The differences within our relationships expand our experience of living! We have higher highs and lower lows than if we just hung out by ourselves.

And thank goodness that our children are not the same as each other or as us. It's their differences and uniqueness that make our families such exciting and precious adventures.

"Vive la difference!"

Just Thinking...

"The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation rather than upon mere survival." Aristotle

Perhaps being aware of, awake to, the nature and design of relationships and families makes a much greater difference than all of the "what to do's" and "how to do it's" that the experts have come up with.

"In times of change, learners inherit the earth, while the educated who stopped learning find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." Anonymous

This one hits a little too close to home. We have had a tendency to do things like we learned years ago (e.g. we haven't learned to text yet) and to repeat what we have already discovered rather than continue to let go of what we know in favor of new discoveries.

"The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it's something you allow." Will Garcia

While change and creativity are not the same, the action (or inaction, depending upon your point of view) regarding the two seems to be the same - allowing versus doing. It could be said that Garcia is talking about creating change versus struggling to change things.

Also, maybe, just maybe, awareness and creativity are relational phenomena, not personal attributes.

Let's keep exploring and learning. That's what our relationship is all about.