About Relationship and Family
With all of the information and instructions swirling around us regarding relationships and families, it is easy to forget that there is no such (physical) thing as a family or a relationship. It is easy to forget that they are concepts that exist in language. More accurately, they are stories. And their continuity is a function of the continuity of the stories.
It is also easy to forget that there is no inherent quality in your relationships. The quality of your family and relationships is a determined by what you are saying about them - how you are describing them. If you are engaged in the practice of describing them negatively, they will be negative in your experience. If you are describing them positively, they will be positive in your experience.
You may be obsessed with what is in the way of your family and your other relationships being extraordinary. What is in the way also exists only in language - in your story. To the extent that you are attached to your story, you are attached to what is in the way of extraordinary relationships and family. To the extent that you are attached to your story of what is in the way, you are producing the continuity of what is in the way and denying yourself access to extraordinary relationships.
If your story is that your partner is in the way of your having an extraordinary relationship and you are attached to that story, then all you have to do is get rid of your partner. The only problem is that the relationship goes away with him/her and therefore, obviously, the opportunity for extraordinary relationship goes away too.
Perhaps the access to extraordinary relationships in all areas of your life is through being unattached to your story, especially your story of what is in the way.
But we'll get into that story in another edition.
Be well, and enjoy your relationships and your families.
With our love,
Sandy and Lon
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Updates
The book we are writing is progressing through the draft stage. Our biggest hurdle is that we are continuing to discover so many things in our conversations with y'all that we are having difficulty in selecting what to include in the book. Stay tuned.
After our first month and a half of participating in the Couples Coaching Couples program, we are optimistic that it can be a very useful for keeping the characteristics of extraordinary relationship present for those who have completed our workshops. We will keep you informed.
Sandy and Lon Golnick
Special Announcement
Recognizing that many of us are confronting downturns in our financial circumstances, we have decided to do what we can to support people participating in our workshops and trust that will carry us through as well. So we are significantly reducing the tuition for workshops we have scheduled for the remainder of 2009. Here is what we are offering:
| Workshop | Regular Fee | Reduced Fee |
|---|---|---|
| Parents: Outside the Trap |
$345 | $195 |
| Relationship: The Missing Link |
$695 | $395 |
| Relationship: The Missing Link (England) |
£350 | £200 |
| Designing Family: A Game Worth Playing |
$1295 | $895 |
Please go to our website, www.familiesbydesign.com, for our schedule and contact us as soon as possible to register.
About stress in relationships and families…
In beginning the exploration of stress in relationships and families in our third set of teleconversations, a few new - or at least seldom noticed - insights emerged which may alter our understanding and experience of stress.
We saw that stress is often present when relationships and families are in good shape as well as when they are going through breakdowns.
Many of us are stressed about more things than we are willing to admit to because "we should not be stressed" or "we're embarrassed that we are stressed by something so inconsequential" or "we will only get more stressed."
Then we attempt to resolving our stressful situations without really understanding what produces stress - or even what stress is. It is equivalent to attempting to make a relationship or a family extraordinary without knowing what a relationship or a family is. Also, working to resolve stress can be quite stressful.
Stress is not necessarily a function of what is happening. It is not produced by circumstances. There is no such physical thing as stress, even though there are physical sensations associated with it. Stress has to do with you taking on tasks that you cannot, or doubt you can, fulfill. And mostly you do it unconsciously.
More to come as we continue our exploration.
Meanwhile, what tasks have you given yourself in your relationships and families that you cannot, or doubt that you can, fulfill? Identify them and let your partner(s) know. And let us know how it goes.
Our best wishes for you,
Sandy & Lon