As we were driving on a freeway in southern California recently, it suddenly occurred to us that we were trusting people who were behind the steering wheels of automobiles hurtling down the road in excess of 75mph. And when we began to wonder whether it was wise to trust all those people, we noticed that we started being distrustful, on guard, fearful and tense.
We also became more interested in the phenomenon of trust (and distrust) and its effect on our lives, especially in our families and relationships.
Many of us live as though there's a thing called trust that can be found, or that can be gained, by ourselves and others. But thinking that trust is something that people have or don't have can be misleading. When we think of trust as a thing, we begin to look for it - or at least for evidence of it - in ourselves and in others. And too often we come away disappointed - and distrustful.
In our recent set of teleconversations about trust, someone suggested that trust is not a noun, that it's a verb, as in "I trust you". Realizing that there is no such thing as trust, that trusting is an action, that it is something you are doing (or not), frees you from being a victim of trust not happening around you. Trust becomes something that you bring to life.
When you begin to explore trust as a verb, as something that you do, you will probably find that the act of trusting is determined by your way of being, I.E. you are either being trusting or being distrusting. Being trusting, although seen by many as naïve, could be thought of as a gift that you give to others (and to yourself) in a world very much shaped by people distrusting each other.
You may also begin to see that the act of trusting - beyond the act of simply saying "I trust you" - is embodied in the act of surrendering, an act that is invariably the first step to real peace in a relationship. And surrendering is not a conditional act. That's called a truce - which exists in a state of war or conflict. Surrendering is unconditional. And the same is true about trusting. Conditional trusting ("I will trust you as long as…") is not trusting at all. It is ultimately an expression of distrusting.
In our view, the exploration of trusting is critical to extraordinary relationship. Without it, extraordinary relationship can only be an improved ordinary relationship. This article is just a beginning. We invite you to explore trusting - and surrendering - together.
Happy Exploring!
Sandy &Lon
We are looking forward to a fruitful and liberating conversation with those of you who have accepted our invitation to join us for our Holidays teleconversation.
We are "presenting" the Holidays conversation three times, Sunday 12/6, Wednesday 12/9, and Thursday 12/10. You can join us for the one that best suits your schedule. The calls will begin at 6:00pm PST (9:00pm EST) and end by 7:15pm PST (10:15pm EST).
There is no charge for this teleconversation. It is our gift to you.
To participate in the conversation, call 712/432-1630. The access code 749724#.
We look forward to hearing from you and being with you on one of the calls.
With our love,
Sandy and Lon
(760) 603-8343
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Create an extraordinary 2010 vacation by combining a wonderful destination with a mind-blowing exploration of relationship. We'll do the mind-blowing if you will help us determine the destination and schedule for your vacation.
We have a lot of experience with resorts in Hawaii, Mexico and Oregon. And we're open to other destinations, including cruises.
Since we must make reservations and arrangements at vacation resorts well in advance, please take a few minutes right away to tell us where and when you, your family and/or friends are interested in going. We're not asking for a commitment at this time.
Our vacation workshops include:
Also, let us know as soon as you can where and when you would like to see us offer our weekend workshops:
We have already scheduled Relationship: The Missing Link workshops in Washington, D.C., January 30-31 and in New Jersey, February 6-7.
Please help us by contacting us right away!
Call us at 760/603-8343 or 760/485-1026 (cell)
or Email sandy@familiesbydesign.com & lon@familiesbydesign.com