Dear friends,
A big THANK YOU to Paul Bennett and Carol Herndon for their contribution to all of us in our April 5 CONNECTED newsletter!
Remember, we invite each of you to be a contributor to all of us via our newsletter. Send us your articles, and we will make sure that your article gets published in the newsletter.
Thank you for making a difference in relationships and families all around you.
Our best wishes for you,
Sandy and Lon
About Relationship and Famlies
A few days ago, we had planned out our day with the intent to accomplish several tasks we had assigned ourselves. (We had made sure that there were not so many so as to produce stress.) Then shortly after breakfast, as we were about to begin those tasks, we received a phone call from a friend which resulted in us having a very different day than the one we had planned. As we were going through our unplanned day, we became aware of how seldom our days actually go as planned.
Then we noticed how much we wanted to come up with a way to improve in operating consistently with our plans. And it dawned on us that we were attempting to make a plan to better execute our plans. We finally saw that we unconsciously and automatically spend most of our lives trying to change things and make them better. We seldom simply relax into the enjoyment of what we have and what we are doing.
This is probably the way it is in relationships as well. Most of us are working so diligently to change them and make them better that we fail to revel in the wonder of being in relationship - and in the wonder of the amazing people in our lives.
"The more you work at changing things, the more they appear to stay the same."
Sandy & Lon's adaption of an Old French Adage
Another way of saying that is: If you are focusing on changing something, you must be seeing it as it was and failing to see it as it is - which is different from what it was a year, a week, a day or even a moment ago.
What if you were to set aside your obsession with making you relationship better? Your obsession with "getting to the source of the unworkability" (translation: establishing the reason you are not enjoying your relationship)? What if you let up on your need to change your partner and/or yourself?
Perhaps you would begin to see that you and the other people in your life have been changing quite naturally, without you having to do anything. You could use your time getting to know the person they are now, rather than trying to change them from the kind of person that you remember them being. Think up some questions to ask them. You might discover and enjoy a "new" relationship.
Be well, and enjoy your "new" relationships and families.
Sandy & Lon
This may be somewhat difficult to "wrap your head around":
You cannot find certainty in, or get certainty from, a relationship. But perhaps you can bring certainty to a relationship and hold the relationship inside of it.
Think about it.
We love you,
Sandy and Lon
We began our fourth series of teleconversations on April 22. The theme is Certainty and Security in Relationships, and the second and third calls are scheduled for May 6 and May 20. Call us if you would like to listen to the recording of the first call and join us for the next two.
Please go to www.familiesbydesign.com to see our current schedule of workshops for relationships, parents and families.
Enjoying Extraordinary Relationship: Living It in Los Cabos
Call us with questions or to register!
Lon and Sandy Golnick
(760) 603-8343